That's What Love is For
by whitehot.hikari
Summary: What if the one destined for you is also the one who you call brother? 'Fate never fails in finding a way to bring two souls together. It's just up to those souls whether they would choose to accept it or not.' NaruSasu, set in modern times.
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters blah-blah-blah… So no own, no sue, alright? Okay.**

**Summary: What if the one destined for you is also the one who you call brother? 'Fate never fails in finding a way to bring two souls together. It's just up to those souls whether they would choose to accept it or not.' NaruSasu, set in modern times.**

**Warning: Shounen-ai. You know what this means, so for all of you out there who's not interested with this kind of thing… Please do yourself a favor and click the exit button.**

**Now with all of that done, read and weep!**

**Oh, and before anything else: If you liked the story or you wanted to suggest anything or something, please tell me! Reviews, including educated flames, will be deeply appreciated so feel free! And this chapter would be a little confusing, so watch out!! And would it be okay if I wouldn't describe the physical attributes of each character that isn't important for the story? Since I would assume all of you have more or less an idea of what the anime is… well…**

* * *

He didn't know when it started really.

At first, it was just the want—no, the _need_ to protect him from everything. After everything he's been through, after everything that had happened, he deserved to be safe and taken care of. And then, it was the anger of not being able to get through the walls he built around himself—of not being able to give him the comfort he desperately wanted him to give. Then, it was the helplessness of watching him push people away and not being able to do anything about it except to watch and to hope that this is just a phase that he would eventually overcome.

And then after that… jealousy. Someone had been able to penetrate through his defenses and that someone wasn't _him_. They were always together, and he knew he should be happy about it. He had someone to take care of him now. He needn't worry anymore for he knew this someone would do everything for him. But he couldn't. He couldn't force himself to feel happy when the one he wanted to care for so much, who was supposedly pushing people away, is letting this someone stay beside him.

Instead of him.

And then… He didn't know when it started really.

But he knew whatever he's feeling towards the other boy isn't normal anymore—well, normal for them anyway. He was starting to notice little things, like how creamy his skin always looked, and the beautiful way his hair framed his oval-shaped faced. He was starting to dream of him every night, of holding him and…

No! He shouldn't think about that! It was immoral, for crying out loud! It was terribly wrong and sinful, and the fact that he's a guy doesn't even measure up to the utmost reason why he should bang his head to the nearest wall and dispel all his feelings.

They're brothers.

Though they may not look like one. While he was six feet tall, had blonde hair, tanned skin and sunny disposition, his brother had pale skin, dark hair and very dark eyes, a height that stopped at 5'7", and a quiet, sort of brooding, attitude.

But lately, that brooding quality acquired a cold and nasty edge. The quiet expression became blank. The eyes, freezing as an iceberg. And the smile that he had come to miss, gone. He knew it was only normal for him to act this way, after everything that had happened, and he knew it was his entire fault that his brother became what he is now. And he knew that no matter how much tears he cried at night and no matter how broken and torn he's feeling because of the guilt and regret swirling within him, he could never change what happened and he could never bring back what had been once.

And he knew all he can do right now is to watch him from afar, silently wishing he could turn back time… silently wishing he could see him smile again, even if the smile would never be for him.

And that was exactly what he was doing right now.

"You know, staring at someone never did solve any problems, Naruto," Nara Shikamaru, his best friend, told him while shaking his head, "He's your brother, isn't he? Why don't you go over there and talk to him? Get through to him."

They were currently sitting at their usual tree spot in the school front yard, waiting for their other friends to come. And the object of Naruto's observations was across the yard, eating lunch with a paler boy with equally pale eyes and long, brown hair.

Naruto plastered a fake grin for his friend but Shikamaru only shook his head again, "No. Don't bother trying to act around me, Naruto. I told you it won't work on me."

The grin instantly slipped, and a sad smile took its place, as cerulean blue eyes traveled again across the yard, "You know I can't do that anymore, Shikamaru. And you know absolutely why. All I could do right now is watch him, and tell myself he's going to be okay without me."

Shikamaru grunted and looked at the sky, "Tch. So troublesome."

This time, Naruto did grin for real, "Everything that isn't fluffy and white is troublesome for you, you lazy bum," he said loudly.

"That's not true, Naruto," a female voice said laughingly as both guys looked towards two of their friends approaching them, "There's one un-fluffy thing, or should I say, un-fluffy person, Shikamaru doesn't consider as troublesome."

"Tch."

Naruto chuckled, "But you know, he always says Ino is so troublesome too."

"But only when, Ino keeps nagging him to no end," Inuzuka Kiba piped in as the others sat beside the two.

Everybody chortled, save for Shikamaru, who just ignored them and continued looking at the sky.

"Where are the others, by the way?" Naruto asked.

"Lee's at the gym, training. Gai-sensei asked him to and you know how those two are," Sakura said as Naruto sweatdropped, "Ino, Tenten and Chouji are working on some chemistry project they needed to finish today. Hinata, well, she probably has some extra council work to do. And Shino… I don't know."

"He didn't come to school," Kiba said absently, "A swarm of insects had a rampage of some sort this morning when their case crashed to the floor."

Sakura and Naruto looked at each other mischievously.

"And how would you know about that, dog-boy?"

Kiba turned to them in surprise and gulped at their expressions, "N-nothing. I—was just walking to school and I, I decided to check on him… You know, because I'm a good boyfriend and all," he chuckled nervously, "And I knocked and I saw him, with shattered glass. Yeah, that's right. That's what happened."

"And you wouldn't happen to know how the case crashed, would you?"

Kiba flushed to the roots of his hair.

The others laughed merrily, even Shikamaru gave out a small chuckle.

"Kiba, you are such a sore liar," Sakura giggled, "But tell us, really, how you manage a crashed case, considering how Shino treats them as some treasure chest?"

"I could think of one thing," Naruto grinned teasingly.

"Shut up! I don't wanna hear a damn thing, you pervert!"

"Hey, when was I a pervert?"

"Since now! I may have spent the night at his apartment, but it doesn't mean—"

A fresh tomato would have looked pale as snow compared to Kiba's face. Naruto and Sakura hooted loudly.

"Whatever, man," Kiba sulked, "Stop being perverts because nothing happened."

"You almost sound as if you're disappointed."

"Shut up already!"

Naruto laughed waving his hands in front of him, "Okay, okay. But if you two really wanted to be with each other from your waking time to your—ehem, sleeping time," Kiba glared, "Why don't you move in with him?"

"Yeah, Kiba," Sakura inserted, "You spend every minute of every day together anyway."

Kiba sighed, "Not that easy, you guys. You know how Akamaru gets around Shino's pets."

_Some pets_, Naruto thought, _more like pests._

"Like I said, troublesome," Shikamaru said lazily.

They were all studying in Konoha University as sophomore college students. But they all have been friends a long way back before Konoha U. They were one big happy group back in high school: the newly adjusting couple, Kiba and Shino; the chubby and food-is-god, Chouji; the shy yet very determined and very smart, Hinata; the eternal rivals for everything, Sakura and Ino; the don't-mess-with-me-or-you're-dead, Tenten; the fuzzy eyebrows, Lee; the lazy yet genius bum, Shikamaru; and the polar opposite brothers, Naruto and…

_Sasuke._

No one was saying anything for awhile. And Naruto's gaze once again found itself across the yard, where his brother and his friend were now beginning to leave.

Sakura noticed his gaze and her own eyes saddened. Kiba noticed it too but remained silent.

"Ne, Naruto," Sakura said quietly and Naruto looked at her, "When are you going to do something about your situation with Sasuke-kun?"

Naruto inwardly sighed.

Shikamaru and Sakura was Naruto's and—his brother's kindergarten playmates. And for as long as Naruto can remember, Sakura has always had a deep affection for his younger brother. Back then, Naruto had a crush on Sakura, but never noticed him since he was older than her by a year in comparison to Sasuke who was just her age. But Sasuke never noticed her either. He was always thinking, brooding—always quiet, though there were rare times he would play tag with them, excluding Shikamaru, who'd rather watch clouds, and Sasuke's rare smile would not be so rare anymore.

Instead of letting Sakura see his distress, he grinned, "What about it, Sakura-chan?"

Shikamaru shook his head, sighing.

"What do you mean, 'what about it', Naruto?" Sakura was upset, "It's already been five months since—everything and just last week you were telling me you'd do everything to make him return to his normal self."

"It seems he's okay now, Sakura-chan," Naruto smiled, "See, he has a friend, doesn't he? And you don't see Sasuke pushing Neji-san away, don't you?

"But, what about you, Naruto? What about us?" She sighed and bowed her head, "What about me?" she whispered.

"Don't worry, Sakura," Kiba said, finally deciding it was okay to say something, "Sasuke will get over it in time. Naruto did. All we have to give him right now is some space, I think. Besides, Neji being there is helping him in coping up and recovering from—"

Naruto visibly flinched. Sakura glared and Kiba winced.

"Sorry."

Naruto gave them a forced smile, "Nah, it's okay. Kiba's right. In time, Sasuke would be able to get over what happened and we'd all get along then and be a big happy family. Yay!"

Both Sakura and Kiba groaned. Shikamaru remained silent but fixed his gaze on his bestfriend, and after probably deciding it was too troublesome to think about it, returned his gaze to the endless sky.

_And maybe then, he'd be able to forgive me… Maybe._

* * *

"He was watching you again a while ago, Sasuke," Hyuuga Neji looked down at his stoic friend, as they walked towards the student council office, "Naruto-kun was—"

"I know what his name is, dumbass," the dark-haired boy said coolly, "Do yourself a favor and don't put garbage in your mouth by saying his name."

Neji looked at his friend and inwardly sighed. He knew why Sasuke was being like that. And he understood. How could anyone not? After everything that has happened to his friend, no one could really blame him for everything he does, for everything he's feeling or _not _feeling.

Nevertheless, he wanted to tell Sasuke to think of his brother's situation. He knew it isn't easy for Naruto as much as it isn't easy for Sasuke. He didn't know why Sasuke was too closed up when it comes to his brother. He didn't know if Sasuke had a deeper reason for acting the way he does. It seems he did.

All the same, he wanted to tell his friend to at least acknowledge his brother's presence.

But Sasuke didn't need correcting now. He needed a friend. And at this moment, it was all what Neji could give him.

They reached the office but before Neji could open the door, a pale girl with eyes similar to Neji's came rushing out.

"Neji-kun… Uchiha-san."

Neji stiffened slightly and his face grew expressionless, but he bowed politely to the girl.

"Hinata-sama."

Hyuuga Hinata blushed and looked mortified, "Please don't call me Hinata-sama anymore, Neji-kun."

"Forgive me, but I can't possibly abide by your wish, Hinata-sama," Neji bowed slightly, a little sardonically and he saw Sasuke's sneer as well as the girl's uneasiness, "I am a member of a lower class after all."

"Please, Neji-kun, I—"

"I am, Hinata-sama. Nothing you can say would change it," His tone was hard, his eyes flinty. And then, "So where will you be going, Hinata-sama?"

"Oh, I was just going to go see Naru—"

"Hyuuga," Sasuke interrupted, his tone freezing as he addressed Neji, "Will we be standing here all day talking crap," Hinata recoiled noticeably, "Or will we be going inside to work?"

"Yes, yes, Sasuke," Neji said, amused beyond measure, "Gomen, Hinata-sama. I must be going."

"O-of course, Neji-kun."

They entered the office and left her there, staring sadly at Sasuke and Neji.

* * *

"What should we do, Jiraiya?"

A white-haired man sighed and looked at his blonde wife. She was stirring her cup of tea absently as was staring at it as if it's the most interesting thing in the world.

"I think we should just let it rest, Tsunade," he said at last, "At this point in time, all we can do is watch. We can't interfere with anything lest the situation might worsen. And those boys are big enough. We may be their legal guardian but we can't just impose ourselves on them as if we are—as if we are…"

The teacup crashed to the floor as she slapped it away, "I hate it when I feel so helpless."

Jiraiya looked at the shattered cup and couldn't help compare it with the Sasuke's and Naruto's relationship. He sighed and got up to clean away the mess Tsunade's frustration made.

* * *

School's already over and Naruto and Sakura are walking together.

"I still can't understand him, Naruto," Sakura told the blonde, "Why is he holding so much grudge against you? More than anyone, you should be the one who's by his side right now."

_Don't you think I know that?_

"Sakura-chan," Naruto said lightly, "Sasuke's not holding a grudge against me. And I'm sure he already got over—what happened."

_No one would be able to get over that, Sakura-chan. No one. _

Sakura sighed, "I know. He's finally stopped pushing Neji away, that must mean something, right? What I can't understand is why he's still ignoring us, especially you, Naruto. I mean, even after everything, you're still his brother!"

_It's so easy for you to say. I abandoned him. I abandoned the one thing that's so important to me. And now, I'm…_

_No, stop it! I told you never to think about that again! You've got enough problems, Naruto. Don't make it worse._

Naruto feigned a chuckle, knowing Sakura would buy it, "But everybody needs a break from their big brother sometime. Maybe the guy's just hitting puberty and experimenting with his friend."

He suddenly felt a wave of unwanted jealousy at the thought. It felt so strong that he must concentrate so that it won't show in his face. So intent was he in focusing on hiding his feelings that he forgot Sakura's own feelings toward Sasuke.

He also didn't notice Sakura stiffen after what he said.

"Naruto, what do you mean by that?"

He snapped away from his thoughts and turned to her, dismayed. _Oh, god. I forgot._

"Hahahaha," the blonde laughed, "I was only joking. Take everything seriously, why don'tcha?"

_Yeah, Sakura-chan, I was only joking. Sasuke's straight, right? He wouldn't be playing around with Neji, he wouldn't. That would be totally disgusting, right?_

_Yeah, right._ He scoffed inwardly.

"Mou, Naruto," Sakura said annoyed but at the same time relieved, "You shouldn't joke every time we're having a serious conversation."

_It's the only way I can keep my sanity, Sakura-chan. It's the only way I can keep my inner thoughts at bay._

"But that's me, Sakura-chan," he answered instead, "I always joke."

The pink-haired girl rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay. Oh, this is my stop, Naruto," they stopped at Ino's house, "I need to borrow something from Ino."

"'Kay, Sakura-chan," Naruto grinned, "Say hello to Ino for me."

"Okay, bye, see you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Sakura-chan!"

Naruto watched his friend walked up the front steps and sighed.

* * *

"Tadaima!"

Naruto entered his guardians' house and noticed that it was too quiet. Normally, his aunt would be noisy as hell, pestering him about school and such the moment he got home. And normally, his uncle would be asking him about young college girls that would earn him a loud whack from his wife.

He heard voices from the living room. He approached it quietly and saw his aunt and uncle sitting on the sofa, with identical grim expressions, facing Sasuke, who had a cold and stoic one.

"What's wrong?" Naruto asked, a sense of foreboding claiming him.

Tsunade and Jiraiya looked at him in sudden surprise, but the expressions quickly returned to their grim mode. Sasuke remained silent and acted as if Naruto wasn't there.

_But that's nothing new,_ he thought, grimacing, _ever since—no, Naruto! Don't think about that. Think about what's happening now. Think about why Tsunade and Jiraiya look so dismal. Remember?_

"Hey… what—"

"Sasuke's leaving."

_Oh, god, no. Please, Sasuke. Don't do this…_

But deep inside, he was expecting this—dreading this moment. He knew Sasuke was turning eighteen soon. And though he tried to deny it many times during these past weeks, he knew Sasuke was going to try and get away from them, forever.

But he'll be damned if he's just gonna let his brother go like that.

_What are you talking about?_ He scorned himself, _You promised yourself you're going to leave him alone, didn't you? He's fine, now. Neji would keep him fine. Neji'll be always there for him. _

_Unlike you._

"What—what do you mean by leaving," he clenched and unclenched his fists, "exactly?"

Jiraiya sighed as Tsunade looked as if she's going to crash the house soon, "He wants to move out. He's going to be eighteen next week. He told us he wanted to move in with Neji in his apartment."

Naruto didn't want to hear anymore. Nothing was getting through his hazed mind anyway. He looked at his brother as he silently willed his tears and frustration away. It wouldn't do good to explode on Sasuke now, even though that's what he'd been craving for recently. It wouldn't do good to tell him everything he'd wanted to tell him, to ask for his forgiveness endlessly until he gave in. It wouldn't do good to tell him the hell he's been experiencing, no one would believe him anyway, especially Sasuke. Naruto knew his hell is nowhere compared to the hell his brother is experiencing right now.

That was why he decided to give him some space, instead of nagging him and trying to rebuild everything by forcing Sasuke to open up to him.

"I'm going to be leaving as soon as I turned eighteen. I'm not asking for permission," his voice was piercingly arctic, his gaze similarly so, "I'm just telling you as my respect to my guardians."

"What about me, Sasuke?" Naruto asked angrily, not being able to contain it any longer and uncaring of his previous resolve in giving Sasuke some space. He marched towards Sasuke and pulled him up by his collar, "Never even thought of telling me? Huh? Goddamit, I'm your BROTHER!"

His hands were shaking badly as he gripped Sasuke's shirt.

"Naruto—" Tsunade and Jiraiya immediately stood up and tried to mediate.

Sasuke only stared at him, no, stared through him… as if he wasn't there. The temperature of his gaze turned even lower, if that was possible, and all he said was: "Really."

He slapped Naruto's hands away and walked out the living room, probably up to his room.

Naruto slumped on the couch Sasuke had been sitting on earlier and buried his face into his hands. He could feel his aunt's and uncle's hands on his shoulders and was deeply grateful for their concern. But he didn't have the strength to face them tonight, to put up his mask of happiness and confidence that everything will be alright. So he went up to his room and there, did what seems to be a growing habit and something he vowed never to do in front of others—he buried his face in the pillows and let the tears he had been willing away awhile ago, fall. And as minutes ticked by, the silent crying turned into a full sob as a thought keep on recurring in his head.

_Sasuke… Am I really going to lose you?_

* * *

Tsunade heard the sob. And it took all her willpower not to sob herself.

_Get a grip, woman. These boys need you to be strong. You have to be strong for them, you have to be!_

She went down to the kitchen where she knew her husband was waiting.

"I'm a doctor, Jiraiya," Tsunade said sadly as she sat across the man, "A hell of a good one. But why can't I heal them? I can heal every other people who come to me, why not them?!"

Jiraiya sighed and silently wished for the cigarettes Tsunade had forbidden him to have, "You're no god, Tsunade. _We're_ no god."

"I know… It's just that—"

"I know, love, I know," he stood up and cradled his wife's head on his chest, "But it's not a doctor that they need right now. It's not a doctor that could heal every wound."

"Then what will?" Came the muffled, miserable voice.

"Time, Tsunade… Time."

* * *

**Was it good? I'm going to stop here because I wanna see the reactions. If it's crap, please tell me and I'm not going to continue on to the next chapter. It's okay since I haven't made following chapters… yet. As I said, I wanna see your reactions.**

**Arigato gozaimasu.**


	2. Tears

**Thank you so much for those who reviewed. They were so great and appreciated. Thanks very much! **

**NOTE: The title of this story was changed from 'Tadaima!'. It's just that I heard this song 'That's What Love is For' by Amy Grant and I really think the song fits the story. **

**For those who were asking about their ages, though I thought I stated it last chapter, here they are:**

**Naruto, Shikamaru – 19; Sasuke, Sakura – 18. About the other characters, their ages vary from 18 to 19. (Except for Jiraiya and Tsunade, of course)**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: _In this story, red eyes are due to albinism, okay? _**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters blah-blah-blah… So no own, no sue, alright? Okay.**

**Summary: What if the one destined for you is also the one who you call brother? 'Fate never fails in finding a way to bring two souls together. It's just up to those souls whether they would choose to accept it or not.' NaruSasu, set in modern times.**

**Warning: Shounen-ai. You know what this means, so for all of you out there who's not interested with this kind of thing… Please do yourself a favor and click the exit button.**

**Now with all of that done, read and weep!**

**Oh, and before anything else: If you liked the story or you wanted to suggest anything or something, please tell me! Reviews, including educated flames, will be deeply appreciated so feel free!**

* * *

"_Tadaima."_

_Huh? _

_Sasuke waited another second for someone to carry out the practice and say, "Okaeri."_

_That was weird, no one did. As far as he knew, his parents had no business to attend to today. He went into the living room and the kitchen, looking for okaa-san and otou-san. Nope, no one here. _

_Wasn't aniki supposed to be home too? Hmm, double weird._

_He looked at the refrigerator and didn't find any notice there. That must mean, either his parents and aniki were upstairs and didn't feel the need to reply or they went out in a hurry and were unable to leave a note._

_He heard a thump coming from the above floor._

_Must be the former, then._

_His brows furrowed as he slowly went up the stairs, an unexplainable feeling of dread creeping over him. He knew he was being stupid and paranoid. So he shook his head and tried to shake the feeling away. He was now in front of his aniki's room. He slowly stretched out his hand and held onto the knob, and with a slight hesitation, opened the door._

_And let out the breath he didn't know he was holding._

"_Aniki, why didn't you answer earlier?" He said to his brother's back, a little annoyed. His brother was standing by the open window, his long, black hair swaying as the wind flew in._

"_Aniki?"_

_The feeling of dread came again as he noticed, by closer inspection, that aniki was shaking. Hard._

"_A-aniki?" He didn't know why he remained rooted to the spot when all he wanted was to go over his brother and try to see what was wrong. He also didn't know why he was feeling so petrified and sick, as if he wanted to throw up. It's as if instinct is telling him that something terrible has happened and at the same time, his instinct is shouting at him to run. _

_But he didn't understand, why would he want to run?_

"_Aniki," he said louder, his voice shaking a little, "Where's okaa-san and otou-san?"_

_This time, the man turned around and Sasuke suddenly saw what was causing him to shake._

_He was laughing so hard, so quietly… so eerily._

_The feeling of dread intensified._

"_Aniki?" This time, the note of panic was evident in his voice. The laughter stopped._

_He could see red eyes staring at him and he shivered involuntarily. Suddenly, the eyes looked away, focusing instead on the foot of the bed. Sasuke followed his aniki's gaze and what he saw made his heart—and his world—stop._

_Red liquid… Blood red liquid._

"Sasuke? Are you alright?"

He looked up, startled. He found himself sitting on the school's rooftop with Neji's worried frown beside him.

"Sasuke? You—"

"Yes," Sasuke murmured distantly, "I'm—I'm fine."

"But, awhile ago, you looked so… out of it," Neji said, unsure, "I had been calling your name for ten minutes before I got a reaction out of you."

This time, the reply was frigid, "I told you I'm fine."

"Okay, okay," Neji held up his hands, letting the subject slip, "As I was asking, have you talked to your guardians about moving?"

"Hn."

"So… they agreed?"

"It doesn't matter either way."

Neji sighed, "Of course they didn't agree. Why would they?" He looked at Sasuke, "What about _him_?"

At this, Sasuke stiffened.

"He confronted you, didn't he?" Neji said knowingly, "That was why you were so—"

"Will you shut the fuck up?" Sasuke bared his teeth furiously, "If you don't stop poking in through my business, you just might find yourself screaming in the air."

Neji ignored him, "This is how you usually get when he tries to talk to you."

The dark-haired boy punched him in the face and stood up, walking away.

_Oh no, you don't,_ Neji told himself, standing up, _Not this time._

His hand snaked quickly and caught Sasuke's wrist.

"You usually get all distant, as if memories would come back to you," He ignored the feral growl and avoided the punch swung his way, "And then you get all angry without a reason… Oof!" This time, a knee connected with his gut, allowing the now-free wrist to land a punch on his face.

They fought without words, landing a violent punch here and there, receiving a kick once in a while—dodging… beating each other with their own frustrations.

Neji knew it was uncharacteristic for him to fight his friend like this. After all, he was known to be a cold, calm and reserved Hyuuga. But he also knew Sasuke needed this to vent up his anger and frustrations and—loneliness. He knew he would never be enough to heal whatever wounds his disturbed friend had, yet even for awhile—like this, he knew he could alleviate the pain a little bit.

_Every little bit helps, eh Sasuke? _Neji thought grimly, _Every little bit helps._

Suddenly, as Neji was about to land a hard punch, Sasuke stopped, causing the former to stop as well.

_Here it comes…_

"I hate him so much," Sasuke started shaking, his eyes covered by his bangs, "Oh god, I hate him so fucking much!"

Neji's gaze softened, _Oh, Sasuke._

This happened a lot of times ever since Sasuke stopped pushing him away. Sasuke would become violent every time Naruto speaks to him and after their fights, the dark-eyed boy would be a little vulnerable. He would say things he wouldn't normally say. It's as if he was letting it out—trying to let it go. This was one of the few reasons Neji tolerates fighting with his friend. He wouldn't mind even if they both had black eyes or swollen lips or, if the fight had been really violent, broken ribs or broken nose. It was what happens after the fights that mattered.

Sasuke sunk to the ground, his head buried in his hands, while Neji just stood there, knowing from experience that it would be better if he let Sasuke sort his emotions out by himself. Though he couldn't help but notice something is off about Sasuke today. The emotions he were letting out were more raw, more intense and he could practically feel the pain vibrating through Sasuke's body.

"Why?" Sasuke whispered hoarsely, "Why did he do that? Why did he abandon us? He was supposed to save us. He was supposed to be there. It's his fucking fault! Why did he have to come back?!" A fist connected with the hard cement, "He's a LIAR! A LOWLIFE FUCKING LIAR! GODAMMIT, I HATE HIM!"

Neji closed his eyes painfully. He knew something else happened that night, something no one alive today knew except the boy. And he knew Sasuke would never tell him what really happened, but that didn't stop him from wondering about it. Because from all the times these emotional outbursts happened, Neji knew these proclamations of hatred weren't for a certain red-eyed monster.

* * *

He was now back to his cold, stoic self. He and Neji were eating lunch in their usual spot in the school yard and the latter was informing him of the different clubs that would be joining the upcoming Nadeshiko festival. He wasn't really listening, but then, Neji's already used to that.

He was thinking about what happened earlier. He lost himself in front of the white-eyed boy again. He knew Neji would never tell anyone, much less discuss it with him—but, exploding like that, especially in front of someone, is dangerous. Everything that he had kept hidden might just spill out if he wouldn't learn how to control himself. Of course, he could always go back to pushing Neji away, but what little the guy knew was already too much. If Sasuke let him go now, well… even if he's his 'friend', he doesn't trust him.

He doesn't trust anybody, period.

Suddenly, the throbbing in his head increased painfully and he sipped soda to desperately try easing it.

_Oh god… I don't wanna remember again. Why can't I just forget everything? _ _I want to erase everything so badly, especially—last night._

**FLASHBACK (SASUKE'S POV)**

It took me supernatural effort not to bang my door. It would only please him to know that he got to me. And it was one pleasure I would continuously, though not happily, deny him.

How dare he! How—dare—he!

_Goddamit, I'm your BROTHER!_

I closed my eyes tightly as I leaned my head against the door.

He was a good actor, I'd give him that. In fact, he was so good I'd be convinced by his act if I didn't know better.

But I do. I know the truth. And damn it, he knows I do. So why can't he drop it already? I snorted scornfully. Oh yeah, I know why. He wants to hurt me more. He isn't contented with destroying my life, because it's me he wants to destroy. And by killing everything that's stable in my life, by obliterating the few things that's important to me—he's slowly succeeding.

I'd die first before he knew that, though.

I could feel the familiar sting in my eyes and blinked rapidly to will the tears away. I cursed silently. I promised myself I wouldn't do this—not anymore. I'm over this. I clenched my fists tightly my knuckles turned white.

I can't do this anymore. Someone… Help me.

I slumped to the floor slowly as the hot tears finally escaped, trekking down a very familiar path. Why am I so weak? The walls I've built around myself would always crumble whenever he'd be near me. Damn it, he was practically the one who killed them! It's all his fault!

I should just tell everybody what he did. He deserved to be despised—to be hated. His _friends_ would undoubtedly abandon him. And even if I knew he won't go to jail, people here would make sure he never sets foot on Konoha again.

And that way—I would never see him again. My heart clenched excruciatingly. I shut my eyes tightly as overwhelming pain washed over me.

I can't. I wouldn't be able to bear not seeing him again, him leaving. Even after everything, even if I knew he's still out to destroy me, I knew I couldn't endure it—again.

My eyes opened wide and I gripped my chest tightly as I felt my heart beat a thousand mile per hour. I began shaking terribly as violent sobs began to wrack my whole body. A new kind of anguish took over me, blinding me—terrifying me.

_Oh god no… Please, no…_

But it's already too late. I already knew. I knew with all the hatred swirling within me, it isn't him I hate the most.

It's me—for loving him with every atom of my being.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

He closed his eyes as his breathing became labored. These past months, he thought that the intense hatred he felt for the blonde had already consumed whatever love he felt for him—including the cursed infatuation he had. But last night, it came back tenfold with an impact that sent him reeling and out of control. He knew this would make him weaker—and if anybody found out, if _he_ found out…

He'd rather die.

His dark eyes strayed forward, and unconsciously, his hand tightened on the bottle of soda he was holding. There he is, the guy who ruined his life. He was laughing, teasing with his _friends_—the people _he_ used to call friends. His eyes narrowed as the blonde laughed gaily at something his friends said. His heart involuntarily clenched as he saw that last night's events hadn't even affected the blonde.

_Of course it didn't. He doesn't care about you, moron._

"_You see, otouto… He never really cared for you. He didn't care when I killed them, so why should he care when I kill _you_?"_

And then, the hatred, anger and pain overwhelmed him once again, just like what happened a while ago, almost choking him—killing him. The glass of water shattered in his hands and he is partially aware of Neji jumping at him, opening his palm and cursing loudly.

He heard Neji calling him, the people buzzing around him… But he didn't care. He was staring at his hands, blood flowing out heavily as the shards of glass embedded in the soft skin mesmerize him. He could feel arms going round him, trying to get him to stand up. He didn't want to. They would only cover it up, wash away the blood, take away the shards. And he knew it wouldn't help. They wouldn't help. They were only trying to disguise the fact the he is wounded, trying to make him forget. And they would succeed, but only temporarily—for there will always be scars, scars that will forever be there.

Making him remember.

He could feel himself being lifted up as blackness started to claim him. His brows furrowed, why did these arms feel so familiar? It took great effort to lift his head up, and he struggled weakly when he saw who was carrying him.

_Don't…… touch…… me…… you…… fucking……… liar…………_

Then blackness.

* * *

The school doctor, Shizune, sighed loudly. _I knew it would come; it was just a matter of time._

"He's unconscious for the time being, but his hand's alright."

The two boys she was talking to, Uchiha Naruto and Hyuuga Neji both sighed in relief. She barely suppressed a smile, _Oh, Sasuke-kun, how come you don't realize how much you're really cared for?_

"But," Naruto and Neji looked up as Shizune acquired a commanding tone, "It's his mental health that's the problem. I know and I can understand what happened to him—" She tried to ignore Naruto's cringe, "And I know it's perfectly normal for Sasuke-kun to act this way. But it isn't good for him. Stress and trauma have taken its toll on him and I'm surprised he has lasted this long before breaking down. And I'm even more surprised that even without help, he hasn't had any suicidal attempts—" She stopped short, "Right?"

"No, of course not!" Naruto exclaimed loudly. Neji, beside him, only remained silent.

"Neji-kun?" Shizune asked stringently, "Has he?"

"No, Shizune-san," the pale Hyuuga answered quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

The school doctor sighed again, "Okay, I'll believe you," _For now. _"Sasuke-kun will be excused from all his classes today until tomorrow. Naruto-kun, I'm excusing you as well, bring the poor boy home."

Neji was ready to disagree, but when he saw the determined stare the blonde gave him, he decided to remain quiet.

_I hope Sasuke won't kill me for this._

* * *

He knew he shouldn't. He knew it was wrong. He knew it wasn't the time to be having these problems, especially now that they have a huge rift between them. He knew these thoughts were forbidden. And he knew why.

So why couldn't he stop staring at him and thinking how beautiful he is when he's sleeping?

_Arrrgghhh! I don't need this right now!_

They were still in the clinic room, with Naruto sitting on a chair close to Sasuke's bed. Shizune-san had some business she must attend to so she left with Hyuuga Neji, who was reluctant to leave, but had no choice because he had classes he mustn't miss. Shizune-san told the blonde he could go take Sasuke home when he wakes up.

When he heard Sasuke's condition from the school nurse, the decision to stay away from his brother was discarded. Though he could see that his past determination in gaining Sasuke's forgiveness hurt his brother more than the dark-haired boy would let anybody see, him leaving his brother alone wasn't helping either. It was time for him to act—really act. He knew that incidents like this would keep on happening if Sasuke would remain to be the cold bastard he is now and pushing everybody away. Granted, Neji's not being shooed. But he isn't enough. Naruto didn't know what to feel, whether happy or sad, that not even Neji could penetrate Sasuke's wall.

What happened earlier was proof enough.

**Flashback (Naruto's POV)**

I could feel his eyes on me. I don't know how I knew it was him, but it was definitely Sasuke looking at me. I have no idea why he was, though. And for some reason, even though I should be glad he could acknowledge me, even if it's in his own world, it scared me.

I could feel his hatred—his pain… Again, I didn't know how I could, but I can. I sighed inwardly. I knew it was because of what happened last night. It hadn't escaped me that whenever I would come near him, talk to him—beg for his forgiveness, yell at him through my frustrations, he'd be different than his cold, usual self. That was why I stopped pursuing him and trying to make everything right between us.

"OH MY GOD, SASUKE-KUN!"

My head snapped up and stood up quickly, horrified. Sasuke was staring off on a distance—with shattered glass and blood on his hand! My body automatically rushed to them, my mind not registering anything aside from the words, "Sasuke… hurt." I pushed Neji aside as he was trying to force Sasuke to stand up. I picked up the fragile doll, and I could feel his eyes on me again—those _eyes_ again. But I didn't care. He's hurt. He needs help. And I'll be damned if I didn't give it to him. And if my throbbing heart is any indication, my fucking decision to stay away from his will now be void.

_Sasuke, what the hell's happening to you?_

**END OF FLASHBACK**

He sighed resignedly as his eyes insisted once again that he should look at the pale boy in front of him. He gazed at Sasuke's sleeping face and he couldn't help but smile. He couldn't remember when he had last seen Sasuke sleeping, until now. He always had this pout, as if he's being deprived of something in his dream. The blonde used to tease him about it.

'_Used to' being the key words, _Naruto told himself wryly. His smile slipped away as his eyes darkened to a sad blue.

"Sasuke, why do you do this to yourself?" He whispered, "I know what happened. And I know that it's my fault why you hate me so much. I was so caught up with my own problems that I didn't—I didn't know. I know there's no excuse for not being there when you needed me so much, and I'm sorry." Tears began to form in his eyelids, and he desperately willed them away.

"Don't destroy yourself, Sasuke. I know you're strong. You're gonna get over all of this. I know you're thinking that it's easy for everybody to say you're going to be okay because they weren't there when it happened, but don't you see, we're all saying it because we want you to believe it too," This time, the tears were slowly cascading down his cheeks as he bowed his head and cried, "I lost them too, Sasuke. I know I didn't really have any idea what you went through. But can't you—"

"You know exactly what I went through, you son of a bitch."

Blue eyes hazed with tears widened and the blonde froze as he slowly looked up to meet the dark, loathing-filled eyes of his brother.

"S-Sasuke?"

The dark-haired boy did not answer. Instead, he sat up, that hate-filled gaze still fixed on the blonde sitting on the chair close to him.

"Sasuke," his deep voice was pained, "Sasuke, please…"

He couldn't count how many times this scene had already happened—him pleading for Sasuke's forgiveness, asking him to understand… desperately trying to fix everything between them, and Sasuke being cold, angry, hateful and distant.

"Would you cut the fucking act already?"

The blue eyes shone with confusion, "What—what act?"

_What the… Is he still sleeping?_

A growl emanated form the dark-haired boy. He flipped the covers aside and tried to stand up. Naruto watched quietly as the dark eyes widened with the realization that his legs wouldn't support him. Apparently, the loss of blood from his wound earlier weakened him.

Naruto sighed.

"C'mon, I'll carry you home," he exclaimed. He waited for Sasuke's protest, ready to counter it, but to his surprise, none came. The other boy was looking at the far side of the wall, his expression blank. Sighing again, the blonde made a move towards the other boy, but stopped with a shock that made him tremble.

Tears were cascading rapidly from Sasuke's blank stare.

_He... He's crying! Oh god, Sasuke's crying!_

* * *

**Okay, did it took me too long to review? Please tell me, because I'm timing chapters within 3 weeks of interval. Anyway, I hope ya all like it. See ya next chappie!**


End file.
